Should I leave if nothing’s wrong?

Categorized | SQUABBLE

Tags | CAREER, change, fear, guide, job, life, relationships, work

Should I leave if nothing’s wrong?

Posted on 04 February 2010 by Shane Mac

Today. Feb. 4th, 2010.

I woke up around 4:30. Couldn’t Sleep. Beautiful day in Seattle and I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere else in this time of my life then here. Right here. But here I sit, confused. Confused on where to go. What to do. How to do it. Fear.

I have spent my life striving to kick ass in all I do. Relationships, career, and anything else that I set my hands on. But here I sit, thinking about leaving my job to pursue other opportunities. I have not slept more than 3 hours in months. I can’t. Working a day job that I like, building a company, playing music shows and weddings, and most of all, helping people is my drug, I can’t stop. But have I left yet? No. If there is one thing that is amazing about my company, my boss, my co-workers, it is that they support me, better me, challenge me, and most of all, they are there to help. I told them the truth. I have other job offers that came in just by chance and I also have this itch to do my own thing. Damn, how the hell can this happen? Luck? Yet, I feel anyone would be lucky to work where I do. And here I am, thinking of moving on to another endeavor, maybe my own endeavor, maybe this other offer, when nothing is wrong where I am at. Actually, I had an incredible 2009 and will probably have some great opportunities coming down the path should I stay. So I look back…

Graduation Day

I graduated college with 3 job offers and more decisions than I could have imagined. There I was, lost. Let alone the job offers, I had a girlfriend of 3 years that was already running a successful company who was not looking to move out of state. The job offer I took was out of state. 10 hours away. I took it, lost her, ran. The decisions all killed me. Why was this so hard? Nobody ever told me that graduation day would be the roller coaster ride of emotions that felt like hell. I hated it. Fell. I fell hard. I dropped the job, moved back home, moved in with her actually, and started our life together. I took a job to pass the time, tried to rebuild our relationship, but failed. I failed. The fact that I would choose ’some job’ instead of her had done the damage that couldn’t be repaired. It was over and after 6 months of us trying to work it out, I left for good. Seattle. This decision came so easy though. I was offered a job, packed my car, and left. Woke up on Monday, we said goodbye like any other workday, she drove 15 miles, I drove 2100. Gone. We both knew it wasn’t working and we had different life plans (she was 26 and wanted kids and marriage at the time, I was young guns out of college looking for the wrong things). Gone was a relationship but stayed was a friend and a family that have shaped me into who I am today. I thank you and I am glad our bridge is still in tact. Respect. Just for the record, she is a great person and did more for me than I could ever tell her but we both knew it was time to move on. Time to go. And as far as Seattle was, it was the greatest move that I have ever made for myself in my life. It changed my life, completely. And I left when we really didn’t have any major problems just different paths. In a short time I have done alot to help people, learned more than any other time in my life, and I am proud of what I have accomplished.

Today I sit…

wondering. I hate this feeling. This feeling of being lost when such great things are being offered. What the hell do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to go? How do I know what decision is right? Will I ever? Here is what I know… The last time I felt like this was when I left college and after I made a big decision it almost killed me and I changed my mind, dropped my job, screwed over the awesome guy who offered it to me, and started back at 0. The other big move I made was so easy, though not sure why, but I just went. Left to Seattle. West I-90 all the way. Smiling, singing, thinking about all of the opportunities that lie ahead. But not today, not now, not at all. I don’t know what to do and I write this with a tear gland starting to rise somewhere in the back of my eye. Whether it is out of excitement for new opportunities or fear of today, I really don’t know. I think of all of the people who are about to read this when I hit the almighty “Publish.” I have spent my life guiding, trying to be a leader, striving to help people see a path that they didn’t know existed, all because I have had this way of listening and asking questions to help people understand that they can do anything. I didn’t start a web dev company to build websites, I did it because I thought people needed to have them and I could help them. I don’t play music to strum my guitar, I play it because I want everyone to have a great time. I don’t speak to talk, I speak because if one word, one message, that I say can help someone then that is all I want to do.

So here I sit, looking for my own…. I look to the community who helped change my life over the last 6 months. This online world of people looking to help. How do you make life changing decisions in your life? Really…

Off to work. Sorry for taking your time.

UPDATE: For all of you who thought this post sounded sad, don’t worry, it wasn’t at all. I just want to find a path that allows me to help people and is a good business model. It was just reflecting and I actually wrote it for an event called “#failweek” over at Jason Markow’s Blog. I was featured as a best of post that you can read here http://jasonmarkow.squarespace.com/blog/2010/2/5/best-of-failweek.html.

This post was written now. Today, February 4th, 2010, and I am not proofreading. When I hit publish, that is it. Here we go and I ask for your help today, your words of advice. Where

I am just a guy who enjoys helping people find career paths that they didn’t know existed. I strive to help people ask questions and think about things a little differently. Life and Careers are about asking the right questions. Please ask us anything, or just subscribe to the The Squab feed via RSS or Email to receive notifications of new posts.

This post was written by Shane Mac, founder of thesquab.com. Read more about him, follow him on twitter, join him on Brazen Careerist. or become a fan of the squab on facebook. Feel free to email thesquab@gmail.com with any questions.

Photo Credit: John Morgan

Matt Sage

Real stories, real emotions, a real guy trying to help others and make a path for himself. You are young and have accomplished a lot. Be proud and keep the roller coaster moving. I know you will be more than fine.

prosperitygal

Ok, I wanted to think about this before I responded. Here is what I have learn in my 50 years on this planet.

When you are unsure, when you feel confusion that is when it is time to get QUIET and be STILL. It is not time to ask any more questions. You asked enough. Let go of having to have an answer and allow the solution to rise like bubbles in champagne.

The core of you is connected to source and as long as you are talking even if it's in your head you are making too much noise to hear the answers.

Now I believe I just found what I will share "If I just knew ONE thing". HUGS

Shane Mac

That is awesome... (Glad I could help you find your topic... Really can't wait to read it...)

Thank you so much and so glad we met each other. It is actually all great stuff and I am going to just lay low and let it all unfold. Here's to the ride ahead and excited I am. Have a great weekend.

Mom

Son - I have read all the responses and think there are a lot of good responses for your to think about but please appreciate what you have today because you never know what tomorrow may bring. I love your energy and encourage you to keep that up but I also want you to find satisfaction in what you have. Think about what you have accomplished in such a short period of time - you are amazing. I was also inspired with Sarah Rhoades - you will know when the time is right to act. I agree with your dad I like the responses from Patrick and JunLoayza. Please call your dad or I if you need to talk. You need to sleep!! I love you, Mom

Shane Mac

Love ya.

Andrew Swenson

First, I feel like a total d-bag for not finding this until now.

Second, I have no advice. Nothing to add. I think you've just ousted Abby's "why I hate bloggers" post as the best I've read in a while. It's poetic and it's close to home.

I'm ending this comment and calling you right now. But consider this my public wish of everything good in the universe to shower down upon you. You work hard enough to deserve it.

All my best buddy.

Shane Mac

Thanks for the call...

markwilliamschaefer

Hey Shane, I don't know you well, but you asked me to respond, so there must be something about me that connects to you : )

There was something odd that jumped out at me in this post. Twice you said that your decisions "killed" you. It makes me sad that you are so filled with regret.

Perhaps a way to approach your next life decision is to try to live without regret. That doesn't mean you won't make the wrong decisions -- we're human after all -- but you can live with the peace of knowing it was the best decision for you and your loved ones at that time in your life.

I was married to a woman who was a drug addict and alcoholic. I feel that I lost years of my life. You could say that marrying her was a decision that literally almost killed me! I stood by her for years but finally divorced her after she had an affair that shattered me.

And yet, I don't regret the decision to marry her or stick by her through her addictions. Those were absolutely the right decisions for me at those moments in my life and these heartbreaks helped forge me into the man I am today. I have no regrets at all.

Perhaps you can forgive yourself for decisions of your past and have confidence that the decisions you make from now on will absolutely be the right ones for you in that moment in time. They won't kill you, even if they don;t work out. They will help you grow.

And at the risk of being politically incorrect, when you feel so very troubled, try shutting down your mind and opening your heart to what God might have in store for you. You have such a caring heart. Obviously he is working through you! When you think you can't take it any more, let him take over for awhile. It really works.

Thanks for inviting me in. Please call me any time if you want to talk. You are in my prayers!

~ Mark

Shane Mac

Mark,

Thanks for the response... I totally hear you and I really do live life without regret. I honestly was saying 'killed me' as in that moment, not now. I look back and think, "dang, I couldn't imagine if I wouldn't have went through that time." I always say, "Old people don't regret the things they do, they regret the things they didn't do," and I truly believe that.

Thanks for the comment and the advice. Although it seems bad, it is all really good stuff. Just overwhelming I guess is the word for it.

Here's to a kick ass 2010 and no matter what decision I make... Here we go....

tmcs2010

Shane
Everyone who has responded has great thoughts and views on different ways to look at how you should react to your feelings. I enjoyed Patricks and JunLoayza response. Decisions are tuff. A lot has been laid out for you to think about and your ambition is in full gear. I know you always tell me I see things different. I do but cautious. Lets talk.

Shane Mac

Thanks Dad,
Great people out here huh...:)... You are the first response that is IRL (in real life). We will talk. It all sounds crazy (it is) but it is all good stuff. Just a lot to take in and is all happening so fast. I'll call ya later. Enjoy the day!

LBelgray

Hey Shane,
I love this! The thing about being a part of this awesome online community is, there's such a chorus of "go for your truth!" and "have the courage to leave your soul-sucking job!" It's a supportive and inspiring message, except it doesn't take into consideration the idea that your "truth" might be staying in that job. And that the job might not be soul-sucking. In fact, it might be soul-feeding.

So, let's not take for granted that succeeding and living boldly and "going for it" necessarily means doing it on your own. For some, those things mean giving the office job their all.

When I think about the great people I've worked with in different companies, I think what a loss it would be if they all left and started their own businesses. All that would be left are the sad-sacks and losers.

Companies need great people. Especially leaders. And it doesn't have to be your own company for you to have a fulfilling, vital role.

That might confuse you more. If so...WHOOPS!

Shane Mac

No that was great... it isn't even all about starting my own biz. There are some other offers out there as well. They just stumbled in... It's is just overwhelming me... bad. I suck at big decisions. Bad. 2009 -> The year at finding out what I suck at. I'm glad I found you though and thank you.

abbyannette

I'm in the same boat. A tough one to be in. I'll say this though, when we are confused we look to everyone else to have the answers. Don't get your answer here. From people who don't really know you. Who haven't spent days with you at work, with family, with friends. Seek advise from someone older and wiser who knows you. Seek advise from an old friend. From family. From a mentor. An old professor. But deep down I would assume you already know what you are to do, what's been keeping you awake for hours at night. Don't look for someone to validate what you already know, or scare you into staying comfortable. Do what you know you should. What you are aching to. A community will give you a variety of answers, and in the end you are the only one who has to live with your decisions and who can make your decision. Scary. But it is at this place where you will be pushed to your next level of growth.

On another note, I think this is a very common feeling in our generation. We have been told to go after our dreams, break boundaries, flee the comfortable. Seek your own heart and check whether you are running (and if so, why and what from) or if you are just being pushed in your spirit towards your next steps, as "unsafe and risky" as they may seem.

IMHO. Cheers and best of luck as you ponder life, love, work and all other things. Small things, right? ;)

Shane Mac

Abby, thank you. That was great. I needed to let it out today, but you are right. I will make the calls I need to... Back home. Thanks again.

Patrick Antrim Jr.

Hi Shane!

Thanks for sharing. I am sure there are many with the same questions. Glad you asked. My answer is stay where you are and understand why you are on the payroll and focus on those activities. Keep a positive attitude and don't try to be understood.

Sometimes creative, capable and passionate people struggle in traditional employment because they are capable of so much more. Be patient, drag your toes in some sand (if you have to come to Southern Cal then do it for a weekend) and know that the world is starving for leaders.

The truth is that only a tiny percentage of people, probably less than 1 percent make enough income from their jobs to become financially weatlhy. Your job is the venue where you can earn your initial investment capital and invest in a business venture that serves your passion and is matched with your personality.

I think you have a very high ceiling and can benefit from best practices of high acheivers you have been engagning with. I tell everyone who is employed to take a percentage of your wages and stack up your investment capital. Start spending less...and stop consuming what the world tells you to consume and start thinking like an investor.

Remember, it's about cash flow. Right now your job provides some cash flow and the moment you stop working the cash flow stops. So look at it like start up financing.

Why? When you are out on your own and you do not have steady income from "your job" you will experience a new level of entreprenuership. I think it is important for everyone to experience this and those that do really make great employees. These individuals really understand the "cost" of doing business. This means time, post it notes, administration cost, payroll and taxes add up to draws on your reserves.

You also need to ask yourself how you recharge? Do you recharge around others? How are you working in isolation?

Thanks for sharing and whatever you decide, do decide. Understand the biggest obsticales most people face are their fears. It can seem dangerous but know that great opportunity lives on the other side of fears. You can decide to something, and you can decide to do it later too.

@patrickantrim

Shane Mac

Your word is always appreciated... Thank you. I will reach out soon.

Amy Porterfield

Shane: WOW...you have a lot to think about. Remember this: You are such a lucky and blessed guy to have a "quality problem" like this--so make sure to keep this all in perspective!

First off, to add a little humor to the whole thing, did you see the post I tweeted about from Laura Belgray? You MUST read this: http://talkingshrimp.com/2010/02/02/what-the-of... (really funny and so true)

Nathan has a point about the danger of chasing the short term dollar when you go out on your own. Very true.

And JunLoayza has an equally good point when he says, "Worst thing that could happen is that you fail and either start another company or go back to the corporate world."

And I say this: FOLLOW YOUR HEART. Close your eyes (after you read this of course!) and say this to yourself: "I just quit my job and I am building my own business now." What does your gut check tell you the minute you say it? Did you feel anything?

Now say this: "I am staying at my job and building my own business on the side." What did you feel in that instant? I mean your very FIRST feeling after you said it. Anything?

What I hope you do is follow your heart, listen to your gut...and don't be afraid to fall hard...because if you did not start from zero after graduation (as you mentioned above) you would never be the amazing man you are today. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

And I say all this because I know if you stayed you would kick ass and if you left you would kick ass. I know it is easier for me to say this because it is not my life, but I really think you can't lose here...just don't be afraid to do something...because not moving forward one way or the other will crush you :-) How's that for a last line of a blog comment! (can't wait to hear what you decide....!)

ps: I am not proofing this comment, so sorry for any dang typos!

Shane Mac

I am not responding as you will have to skype me to talk... #selfish.

Sarah Rhoads

When you feel the intuitive nudge.. ACT!!
I felt all these same feelings last year when I left my job to go full time on my own. All I can say is I have never looked back and our business has never been more successful. It has grown ten fold sense we are both full time. There comes a point when the job holds you back... you know when that point is in your gut. and you know what you have to do. jump out of the boat. The water is cold but you'll get used to it and you'll love it

sarahrhoads

When you feel the intuitive nudge.. ACT!!
I felt all these same feelings last year when I left my job to go full time on my own. All I can say is I have never looked back and our business has never been more successful. It has grown ten fold sense we are both full time. There comes a point when the job holds you back... you know when that point is in your gut. and you know what you have to do. jump out of the boat.

Shane Mac

Sarah,
Thank you. I still have to meet you in person. Seattle is new to me and somehow I found guidance in your word and what you do. You live the passion to the fullest. I left a full slate of weddings with my half live/dj show in the midwest for my job and now working to get it rolling again. Thanks for writing in the ebook and thanks for responding here...

Have a great day and enjoy the sun.

bradfordshimp

I can relate. Having just left a job on my own accord myself, and trying to create what's next, there is a little of the emotional roller coaster feel to it. All I can say is this: look for peace.

At the beginning of the year I walked away from a steady paycheck. I needed to get out of a bad situation, so it is different than what you are going through. But it was still hard. Yet, through it all, I was at peace. Now, I am more focused on what I want to do. That is the other key. Get a clear, strong, focus. You just can't be all things to all people, no matter how badly you want to. When you have various skills and a great mind, this is hard. But you have to pick.

I know for me there are a lot of things I could do to earn a living. But I am at my happiest when I am writing and creating. Find out where you are happiest, and then build your life around that. If its not your core happiness, then you will do it for awhile but run into a wall eventually. At least that is my experience.

Points like this are hard. I keep bumping into them, and you will too. But the more you can get a life focus, the more you seek peace, the easier each decision will get.

Shane Mac

Hey Bradford,

Thanks for your response. I will just reach out to you offline as we need to do that anyways...

Again, thanks.

JunLoayza

Focus and patience.

Focus on working on one thing and one thing only. This will give you the best chance at success. If your startup is providing you w/ enough income to survive, then I say go for it full throttle.

Patience. We're both young, and there is no need to make hasty decisions. The best time to make a decisions is when you're emotionally stable and have weighed out all possibilities.

No one can tell you the exact moment you should leave your full-time to fully devote your time to your startup. You will know inside and you have to have the courage to act upon it.

Logically, the best time to leave is when your startup can fully support you. If you're at that point, I don't see why you shouldn't do it.

Worst thing that could happen is that you fail and either start another company or go back to the corporate world.

You have nothing to lose and infinite to gain.

Good luck my friend

Shane Mac

Your word means a lot and I thank you for taking the time to respond. We shall see where this path leads and no regrets either way....

Nathan Hangen

In my opinion, coming from someone that was contractually obligated to keep my job, I think having a job relieves some of the stress and gives you time to focus on the long term goal rather than the short term dollar.

Now, if your work becomes overbearing, then I suggest getting another job that gives you more time to work on what you need to work on.

I have those same questions man...I've answered a few, but the rest are still open. I think there's some good in that.